12.1.18 – one year on

Hi angels. Hope you’ve had a good week, here’s to the weekend finally!

I started uni again this week and honestly I’ve never been so tired. Idk what’s up with my sleeping pattern recently but it’s up and down. I love to sleep, but I just keep going to bed so late which isn’t like me. I need to get into the uni pattern again and I think Christmas has messed it up a bit tbh. Hopefully I’ll get lots of sleep this weekend and catch myself back up again!

As I mentioned on Tuesdays post, this weeks topics are more deeper than usual. I talk about mental health and lifestyle topics as well as my usual fashion ones. Mental health is incredibly important. It is a hidden subject within people, and it needs to be freely out in the open for people to feel like they can open up more.

On the 12.1.18, I was involved in a car crash. I was hit by a lorry on a roundabout and I spun off the road at such a speed that I can’t fully remember what happened. The crash was completely the lorry drivers fault as he crossed all three lanes and into my inside lane. There wasn’t anything I could do other than be hit.

My car was written off, I suffered whiplash and I still get nightmares.

Something like this really affected me and my family. It was a massive shock and all I remember is being hit and the next minute being in a ditch / verge. I don’t enjoy talking about this out loud, it’s really hard for me. But I feel at ease when writing and my blog has really helped me to cope.

I started this blog nearly a whole year ago because I genuinely hated the thought that if something much worse happened in the crash, then I wouldn’t have ever had the chance to even start my blog that I wanted to do for so long. As soon as I knew I was ok, I straight away the following week began to blog. It was a shock to the system and writing is a thing that has healed me.

I had my uni friend with me in my car. I felt like I couldn’t honestly talk to her again, because I felt like it was all my fault that it even happened and I didn’t have the guts to talk to her anymore. I felt awful, sick, disgusted with the whole situation. I felt like I let her down massively. But none of it was my fault, I couldn’t have done any differently. I was just there at that time in the wrong place. It was an unfortunate event that I wish never happened.

One year on, I’m a second year fashion student at uni, I’m a style & vintage blogger, I’ve attended blogging events, I’ve began YouTube, I’ve been on holiday, I’ve had my 20th birthday, I’ve met some incredible friends for life and I just feel like I’ve truly accomplished so much in such a short space of time. For me, blogging isn’t about the name to be a “blogger”. It’s all about sharing my love for writing, my life and what I’ve been through, my thoughts about vintage fashion and just to live life with you all.

I’ve never thought in a million years that I would be modelling for brands, working with companies and just having a great time. It’s brought out a new kind of confidence in me that I never had before.

I’m wanting to try new things, feature in projects, walk on catwalks, model for brands and just be as one with people.

The crash really deepened a different kind of low in my heart. I never wanted to leave the house. I still get scared when other people drive me. I get worried when I drive. I can’t go past lorries without my hands clenching the steering wheel super hard. I get cramps in my hands when I get to my destinations because I hold the steering wheel for dear life sometimes.

But, I’m here. With you.

That’s the only important thing for me, that I can actually tell you all how I feel and what I’m now doing. One year later.

It was hard for me last year as my friends are either at uni elsewhere across the UK or they’re working full time. I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone because I didn’t want them to get upset or be worried about me. It was a difficult time.

But it has been such a milestone, I’ve overcome some fears that I honestly didn’t think I’d get over.

During summer, I was nearly involved in another car crash but luckily I put my breaks on quickly and stopped my car before anything could reach me. A girl who I knew was involved in a horrendous car crash and she was hit by a car behind her. The crash involved three cars and it was a shock to everyone. The girl is Sophie and she is now a friend that is for life. I helped her when she needed it, I was there at the scene and I remember running over and not caring that I was crying. I was in shock because I instantly remembered my crash from a few months prior, and I was just frozen for a second.

But I remember thinking like “no I need to get out and help this person”. And before I knew it I was out my car, crushing over on a bloody boiling summer day, her car was smoking up and just knowing that she was ok made me calm down.

Deep down I know I was meant to be there that day. As weird as it sounds, I was meant to help Sophie. I believe I was meant to be there because I knew how it felt to be in that position with random people surrounding me asking me what my name was and for details and it is so overwhelming. But I knew that my job that day was to help her and to be there for if she needed it.

12.1.18 – one year on, I can say that I’ve dealt with my crash positively. I’ve managed to put my feelings out to the public and not have it run through my mind on my own. My mental health was not in a good state for a year, but I can say that I’m slowly getting better and I’m trying to heal.

Everyone’s healing process takes time. Whatever you’ve been through, physically or mentally, we all heal. Time is everything. I still don’t feel “fully healed”, and if I’m honest, I don’t think I will. But what I do know is that every day and night, I try. I try to process every little thing that goes on in my mind, and I try to either write it down to process it or I try and talk to someone.

Talking to people about your issues or worries is such a relieving feeling. It takes a lot of courage to do this. Never pressure your friend or family members to talk to someone, because they can instantly be pushed back and say ‘no’ because it’s a massive deal and it’s scary.

But give them / yourself time. Have more time for yourselves. If you enjoy something or what to try something new, just do it! Because you’ll regret not starting that new job or having that year out to travel or trying to make that dream come true. I instantly regretted having not done everything that I wanted to always do before the crash. But now I have this mindset of that I WILL do everything that I want to in my life and I WILL be great at it.

Having the will-power is everything. Having family and friends is everything. You being here is everything.

12.1.18 – One year on, and I’m here.

Thank you for listening to me.

– Sophie Eleanor Henderson

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