Mental Health comes in all shapes and forms. It can be a daily struggle for others and a non-thinker for some. It comes in a variety of ways in which not everyone understands. It’s a hidden act of shame for people, and it can be a silent killer for individuals.
My mental health journey has been a whirlwind to say the least. I’ve been in some dark places in my life, in terms of my thoughts, which have only ended incredibly negatively for me. I’m opening to you all about my journey and where I am today.
My mental health a year ago.
I spoke very openly on my blog back in December 2018. I was on a contraceptive pill which completely affected my mind on such a deeper level than I ever anticipated. It was my own silent killer. I knew about side effects and so does everyone. We hear about them, read them, take note of them and just store them elsewhere. Its not something people tend to think about daily, when in fact pills, contraceptive or not, can majorly affect your mind and wellbeing – every. single. day.
Anyhow, last December i couldn’t take the thoughts anymore. I was in my own world. A completely different upside-down world which took me to a mindset that I hadn’t experienced in a long time. It was inner torture. I soon came to the conclusion that something needed done. I researched heavily about my contraceptive pill and thought to myself that my mood swings and overall negative energy could be due to this pill and other influences.
I went to the doctors more than i’ve ever done, had nurses watch me cry (literally) and attempted to talk myself into some truly awful thoughts. These were not all stemmed from my contraceptive pill, but many obstacles that had incredibly impacted my life, ie bullying, uni and my car crash.
After talks with the doctors, it was time for me to take a well needed break from this pill. I was off it for one singular month.
I was a shock. The break helped me in so many ways, more ways than i could ever imagine. The only way i can describe it is that the break allowed me to think ‘normally’ again. I still of course get some nasty thoughts. I won’t go to deeply into it as this is very personal, but i would think about my car crash over + over again, and then think about different scenarios – if that makes sense?
So, long story short. I realised my health wasn’t right or fair to myself. I tried speaking to people. I cried a hella lot. I came off my pill. I decided to put myself first.
Where am I today?
Today. Nearly a year later, i’m achieving things i could never believe i could do. I’m working with brands. I’ve modelled for a very known brand / jewellery company + i’m currently on their websites and socials. I’m a skinfluencer for an amazing world known skincare brand. I’m creating content that i’m truly happy with. I’m in my third year of uni as a fashion student. I’m continuing to overcome my thoughts about driving and being in other peoples cars. I’m understanding people more. I’m accepting myself more. I’ve travelled to Sicily this year. I’m getting out of bed every day. I’m starting to love my imperfections, as they make me, ME! My vintage fashion collection is growing. I’m creating content on my Youtube Channel (which now has over 100 lil followers). I’m growing my social media to become a happy head space for all. I’m being ME.
Right this second, I’m unapologetically happy.
2019 has made me fully realise the importance of mental health and putting yourself first for once. Care for others and ask your friends and family how they are, but don’t neglect your own thoughts. You’re equally as important as everyone else. You’re here for a reason.
This post is to just hopefully widen your thoughts about mental health and where you actually are in your thoughts. Just because you see peoples photos on social media looking happy, content with life and seem to have ‘no worries’, it doesn’t mean they don’t have them. We all do.
I used to think the way i thought was ‘normal’ and that it was just my way of life. It’s not. It’s ok to have down days, to cry, to let your emotions out and to not feel yourself. But once those thoughts are out, in the open, you’ll feel such freedom. You’ll then truly fly.
Everyones thoughts affect them, whether you get positively impacted by things that influence you, or that something has happened in your life where you need to breathe and let it all out. But don’t let this stop you. Don’t put a holt on your life. Life keeps going and so do you.
I’m not perfect. I’m not ‘fixed’. It doesn’t work like that. But, I can definitely say that i’m overcoming my thoughts and changing them to be uplifting and kind to myself. Acceptance of your negative mental health is incredibly hard to learn, but once you’ve realised it’s their and it’s damaging your wellbeing, you’ll be able to turn it around and transform it into a kind place. Its important to speak out about it, or send a text to a friend, family member or write a letter. If you struggle like me with voicing your thoughts in person, first just go to someone you’re close to and try to engage in a conversation about it somehow. The first few are the hardest. Once others know, they can learn to help you and what you need.
As a 20 year old with no qualifications in life (yet) and doesn’t have a clue what you are genuinely thinking, lemme tell ya, if I can do it, you can. In my mind, i’ve been through hell and back. I couldn’t tell you a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way of coming this far, but i’ve somehow managed to get my head space into a positive position, where i can talk openly about my personal situation. Everyone is different. If I didn’t have this blog, I probably wouldn’t ever have spoken confidently about this subject. But i do.
I want my website, instagram, youtube and socials to be a positive space all around. I want it to be filled with creativity, positivity and freedom for everyone. I love to share my fashion, vintage and beauty thoughts, but i also want it to be a space to be REAL and in the moment.
Thank you for reading this far, thank you for coming this far and for joining me in creating awareness and ending the stigma about mental health. You’re whats good in this world.
Be kind to yourself, you’re important, always.
Love, Sophie Eleanor x